Today I borrowed a laptop from the hospital to see if my "problems" with the internet could be blamed on my Mac...for some reason I cannot enter my blog, email, or ebay on my personal computer. Go figure. At least I am able to get into everything with their computer, so it should be interesting trying to figure out how to fix that little problem.
I feel so behind in updates because I wasn't able to update everything over the weekend. I have been making due with my diet changes and dealing with getting my fingers poked 4 times a day. I really feel for diabetic people. Chalk that up as one more thing I can relate to now. It actually hurts, so needless to say with that and then my shots, I am getting really sick of people poking and hurting me and I haven't even thought about the C-section yet to come...yikes. Saturday was not a good day at all after they told me, and besides, I had a blood sugar level crash after the test and it completely wiped me out. After Tim left for the night, I completely fell apart.
I had a little discussion with God (I did most of the talking) and I told him how disappointed I was with everything that was going on. That I was mad and I didn't understand what to do or how to handle everything any more. Because let's face it; He's really been dishing it to me lately. Not only am I dealing with the emotional aspect of all the possibilities that lay ahead, I am hurting physically, and we are getting hit financially as well. No one should be laying in a hospital bed, unable to work, and then have to open bills from something that isn't even finished yet. It takes a huge leap of faith to hope that insurance is handling everything and that two months from now I won't open the mailbox and get a bill for $20,000. Those are some of the other things weighing on our minds besides Will and his outcome.
Of course, as I sat there and just spilled everything out, a storm raged outside. Very fitting. The lightening lit up my room and I could feel the thunder through my body, it fit exactly how I felt. But after I cried and yelled, I started to feel at peace again. And just like the storm, my anger slowly calmed. I had reached my limit and I told God exactly that. It was a release. The next day I woke up to sunshine and know that this too shall pass. My storm isn't over yet, it may not be over for a long time...but I know it won't last forever. I have faith that this too shall pass.
So today, I decided to entertain myself by making a paper chain (like kids make as a countdown for Christmas) that starts from today, Week 26 Day 3, and goes to Week 34.
It took FOREVER...so much for that great idea. Once I got all those rings put together I just stared dumbly at it, realizing how many days I could be in this room. Good grief. And the positive? At least it took nearly a day to create, one more day down!
So I'll end with one of my favorite prayers:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference."