Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Day 21

21 Days...Three whole weeks. I can't believe it.

Today was quiet. I met with the doctor and asked him how things have changed, as far as our outlook on Will's chances, over the weeks I have been here. Again, our situation is so unique that he was hestitant and couldn't really say. He said that we should have some hope, however, the lungs and the disease associated with their inability to develop without fluid was still very concerning to him. Fair enough.

Each week that goes by, is good of course, and he said that I am doing every thing possible for this baby by being here. This has been such an emotional roller coaster. I know that there are so many possibilities, and even if I stay here until August 1st that doesn't mean he will live. I guess that is the hardest part. It is a fine line between having faith and being hopeful for the best, but also being realistic at the same time. Nothing is worse than thinking everything will be "fine" and then having a bomb dropped on you. I've been through enough to know that denial never does anyone any good, and it makes you look like an idiot. Our moto has always been "plan for the worse and hope for the best." So far that has worked very well. I mean look at the last 10 weeks...we planned for him not to make it at all, and for me to have a miscarriage back in April. Every day that passes now is such a gift, and the best part is that I never EXPECTED it...

One day at a time. This has me having flashbacks of how I survived deployments. What do I do to pass the time? I make a list each day of things to do and start crossing them off. Its amazing how poor of a job I really do, so its no different than a list at home. But instead of never getting around to dusting or vacuuming, I somehow can't find the motivation to go through a stack of activities I brought with me 3 weeks ago, that I actually really need to do. Which led me to a great discovery...

I don't think people actually run out of "time"...I think we run out of motivation. Because let's face it, if it is something we really want to do...we can always find the time. Earth-shattering, I know...See what happens if you stick a person in a room and there is nothing to do but think? Scary.

Based on my list of to-do's for tomorrow, it will most likely be a great day. I don't want to make anyone jealous...but my activities include doing a "paint by numbers" portrait (thank you, thank you, thank you Susan for the awesome care package...I am so excited for all my "projects") and watching my newest Netflix DVD, "The Other Boleyn Girl." And to think Tim is excited to go to NYC for the day least I can pretend that I have the better deal:)

1 comment:

Beth Read said...

I'm jealous! I'm studying for the NP boards all day, every day....except for when I am lucky enough to go to work! I would love paint by numbers and a movie! Hang in there Julie!