Ah, where do I begin?
I keep hoping for some awesome thing to happen so I can rant and rave about how our life has taken a turn for the better and then I can be somewhat inspiring to all the devoted blog readers out there. Sorry, today that isn't going to happen...
Went to bed way too late last night. Played lots of UNO with my guests. All anyone needs to know is that I won the last two games. I was so wound up that after the Mellotts left, I talked my nurse into taking me up to the nursery where some of my other new nurse friends were taking care of babies. Does that mean I have been here too long when I start to personally know others working on other floors???? Yes, I will have been here 7 WEEKS on Wednesday. Anyways, I didn't roll into bed until well after midnight.
Woke up this morning with VERY sore hip joints (like I'd been horseback riding for the entire weekend). I guess my bones are now getting soft and the joints are starting to somewhat separate. Went to the bathroom only to find another bout of blood. Told my nurse. The doctor squad showed up, told me I needed my favorite: a spec exam. Totally pitched a fit and started to cry. Actually, I was crying and being such a big baby I was laughing at the same time. For those of you that know me, you can totally picture this. The woman drawing blood asked if I was a Marine. Go figure that I was sporting my USMC t-shirt and being the biggest wimp. I looked at her and laughed..."no, obviously I'm just married to one, he would be so embarrassed if he saw me carrying on like this right now." They all laughed. I continued to cry and act as if she was going to cut off my arm instead of draw blood.
Yes, so I laid there with my blanket over my head (still crying like an idiot) half hoping to be dialated so this whole circus would just end. No such luck. The rest of the morning was a blur of tears, frustration, and random nurses coming in and giving me hugs. That is how close I have gotten to many of them...they were crying and telling me how sorry they were that this whole thing just sucks so bad. It felt good to know that I am not crazy for thinking that myself.
Then for the shocking moment, I got up after it all to take a shower and get cleaned up (I was so worked up I looked like I had just run a marathon...my shirt was soaking wet) and felt something strange...my fluid must have built back up over the weekend because I haven't been leaking the past few days. It all came out...all over the bed. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Part of me saw hope because Will had been floating around the past few days, and then part of me was upset and thinking that all the poking around had caused the baby to shift and let that precious fluid leak out once again.
Got cleaned up. Composed myself. Called Tim to update him. Started crying all over again, so did he. I think today marked the day when all the stress and worry and unknowns came crashing down with force, on both of us. I fell asleep after lunch and woke up to him walking through my door. Imagine my surprise and relief because normally I don't see him until after 9 pm. We spent the afternoon talking about everything to come and our fears, crying, and just what we need to do to get through this...whatever "this" may end up being.
I don't know much right now, but I do know that is was great to spend some time together and talk about things. We made it back to the NICU tonight and saw a 31 week baby. That was a positive today, because the last baby we saw was around 25 weeks and left us terrified. I'm thanking God every day that we are past that point.
So tired now, hoping and praying that one day soon will be so wonderful...it will shock us all.
I know God hears me, he's just waiting to answer...