Saturday, July 19, 2008

precious baby...

Tim & I are completely in love with our son...

The first 24-48 hours the doctors call the honeymoon period. He looked good and his numbers were improving. This morning I took my first shower since surgery and felt good, then we visited the NICU.

Today has been filled with tears at our son's bedside. He is so beautiful and perfect on the outside, yet his little lungs are leaving him critical on the inside. All we can do is sob and plead with God to make things different. There are no words to describe falling in love with your first child and then watching helplessly as he struggles to live.

We met with the neonatologist this afternoon and signed a paper that no one should ever have to sign. Tim and I could only cry as we made the decision, not to try to bring Will back, should it be God's will to have his little heart or lungs give out. That would mean to only prolong his pain. Currently, he is sedated with morphine and is back up to 100% oxygen. We are sad to say that he is going down the road that we hoped he would not go down and it doesn't look good.

As new parents we can't help but love on him and cry at how perfect he truly is. He has his mom's button nose and his daddy's chin. They have since cleaned him up since his birth and he has just the right amount of light brown/ blondish hair. He is pink and his little wrinkles have filled out, giving him that cuddly baby look. The hardest part is that he doesn't look sick, he shouldn't be dying right now...

We ask for your continued prayers and we go through this horrific time. Thank you for your messages of love and support and the beautiful gifts...The last few days have been a roller coaster of emotions, we can only take comfort in knowing that God somehow has a plan for our family & Will. We continue to pray for his little lungs and the blessing his life truly is for all of us.

7 comments:

Jennica said...

Julie and Tim- My thoughts and prayers are with you both and with Will. You all have been so strong throughout this difficult time. My heart goes out to you both. No one should have to go through this. If you need an ear to talk to, I'm here for you. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. Please know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you, Will, and your family.
-Jennica

Megan Smith said...

We're in love with Will too! There are 100's, 1,000's of people praying for him, but I know no one as hard as you and Tim. I can't imagine how you continue to be so strong and all I can offer is that we love you all, that God loves you all and He loves little Will more than any of us, more than we can possibly imagine. I continue to pray that He will see how much you love Will and allow you to keep him.

rainingkey said...

My heart continues to break with you and your heartache. I relate so much to your pain and your heartache. We are continuing to pray for you. We ask that God will give you peace and comfort. We know that God is holding you, Tim, and Will in His loving hands and that He has only the best of plans for each of you. So often we have no idea why God puts us through these nightmares, or why God would allow this to happen to us. Just know that He loves you all so desperately and is holding you so close to Him.
-Mary

Kathi Wager (Megan Smith's Mom) said...

Here I am, days away from welcoming a precious healthy grandchild (our 1st!) my daughter, Megan Smith is heavy with child. There is little concern that "our" baby will not be perfect. As we have followed your story over the past weeks, our church's prayer team has faithfully prayed for the three of you and your families. We have implored God to have mercy upon sweet Baby Will and realized that each day that he has lived inside and outside of the womb has been a miracle. Nevertheless, we know that this must be unspeakably hard for you, Julie and for Tim.
There are so many things that our wonderful Father God does not permit us to know in this life. Perhaps we simply couldn't put our minds around such wonders that He creates. It seems cruel, harsh, unfair for a precious, tiny baby who is loved so deeply by so many to be suffering and clinging to life in this world. Julie, your bravery alone is an amazing testament to the love of mothers everywhere for their children.
Please hug each other very tightly and doing so, think of all the members of Montrose CHurch in SO CAl, your brothers and sisters in CHrist whose arms are around you both. We continue to pray for Will and for you and your families. Dear Father, please allow Julie and Tim to keep their baby son with them as a testament of your amazing power and grace!
Love to you-

Beth Read said...

Julie and Tim, Thank you so much for contuing to update us on how Will is doing. I feel so inadequate in that I can't figure out what to say except that my heart goes out to you and we are pulling for little Will. We are praying for you throughout each day, just hoping that you can feel God's presence at all times. You are not alone in this, He is walking right beside you...

Jeff said...

We are praying for you continuously, day and night. Please know that our thoughts and love are being wrapped around you all at this trying time. We love you and little Will! May God give you strength and comfort throughout this crucial time.
Love, The Koski Family

Kathi Wager (Megan Smith's Mom) said...

I wept with a heavy heart when I heard the news that Will had gone Home to be with His Heavenly Daddy. Although we know this is his true home, and that you will rejoice in being with him again someday, our hearts are broken to think you will not have a lifetime of joy here with your beautiful son. Thank you for the pictures. He was such a beautiful, precious miracle. Praise God for creating Will and for the secret things the Lord will do with and through this situation. Love to you, brave and faithful servants!