Monday, September 1, 2008

A year ago...


So glad we left for Chicago this weekend.
So glad that last week is over and done with...

Last week has some good moments...seeing numerous friends and beginning my work again by having a Tastefully Simple party that was a lot of fun...but that is about it. Friday morning we left for Chicago and the entire ride down I was still fuming. I didn't understand why I wasn't glad to be leaving. I can honestly say that I have never felt that angry.

But having a throw down with some stranger over their driving in the middle of the road was not in my best interest. Although it was tempting on more than one occasion.

Then a strange thing happened. As Tim swerved in and out of five lanes of traffic and the city skyline was in front of us...I felt strangely at home. There was time when we would have been nervous to drive in such traffic. Now we just kind of laughed, it was kind of fun now. And I felt like we were back in the mix of things. And for a moment, I almost felt normal again. And all that anger I had been feeling the past few days slowly went away. Usually traffic increases my anxiety, how could it now be helping? Just another example of how I am not myself.

We stayed in the city and walked a TON. I think we walked more in the last 3 days than I have walked in the last 4 months combined. Michigan Ave was fun. Cheesecake Factory was better. We did a whole lot of nothing. Just tried to be "normal" for even a day.

All over the city I kept seeing ads for Nike and their Human Race that was going on...I was curious and realized that the race was happening in Chicago on 8.31.08~while we were there.
And realized that exactly a year ago Tim & I did the same Nike Run Hit Remix 10K in Los Angeles...only I didn't run.
Because we had just found out I was pregnant with baby #1...
Which is why I posted a picture of that day in L.A. Because we were really happy. And that is how I wanted to be this weekend. We tried, but we still just couldn't do it.
Everything just still hurts too bad.
I just can't shake this feeling that all of this wasn't supposed to happen. At least...not according to me. But it happened...and I have come to acknowledge that although I am angry and sad and wonder why...deep down I know. This is all a part of something so much bigger than I can wrap my small mind around.
So for a little while longer, Tim and I will have to distract ourselves from the one thing we really want. I just pray and have faith that someday, it will happen for us...

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