Monday, September 22, 2008


Nothing like a busy weekend to get out of a rut. Well, almost.

Saturday I woke up convinced to have a good day. The sun was shining, I had a Tastefully Simple party during the day and that night we were going to a football game with my dad.

Things were on track until I was driving to the party and there it was: another stupid thing happening to me (if you are confused, please refer back to the previous post)

I went straight to nervous breakdown mode.
What could possibly put me over the edge?
A closed exit on the freeway.
A closed exit, with no detour...which led me to the 'hood.
Normally, I wouldn't care.
But driving around in my Audi with Cali plates in an area I had no idea my mindset...was not a priority on my "to-do" list.

Because I honestly pity anyone that would try to do anything.
There's no telling what 6 months of pent-up rage might cause me to do.
Good thing for Tim. He talked me through the tears and frustration. And he looked on Mapquest. Why was I so frustrated? I'm allowed to get lost in California where the streets are windy and go all which ways...not in Michigan: where I grew up and the streets are planned in a grid lock pattern. So...I was late too. Another thing that I hate. But what gets me the most is this is how grief works, and its horrible. Getting infuriated over small things is not me at all.
But the party was fun. Met lots of great people, who shocked me by saying they read this blog. Again, proof that this whole thing is so beyond my ability to fully understand just how many lives have been touched by Will.

I got home feeling like I had at least accomplished something. Unlike when I came home from subbing on Thursday and immediately poured a glass of wine and grabbed a carton of Ben & Jerry's.
Enough said.

The rest of the day proceeded without incident.
That night we put on our GVSU shirts and headed to the first football game we have been to as alumni...not students.
Wow. How things have changed.
Not just the school. But us too.
The last football field I was on....was USC's.
Grand Valley's field looked like some high school, and I was shocked.

Just another moment for me when I realized...for as much as I hated so many things about California...being out there shattered my rose colored glasses. And whether I like it or not, living in Orange County has left a permanent mark on me.

I'm still deciding if that is a good or bad thing. Probably both.
And that goes hand in hand with the question we get asked the most...
"Why did you move from California to Michigan?"
Our answer has never changed, only our circumstance: to raise a family...
Now we are just left with more questions that have no answers.
But today I can look up to the heavens and say something that I couldn't bring myself to say before and actually mean it:
I trust you.

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