Tuesday, February 17, 2009

7 months

Today arrived without much...of anything.
A day we couldn't even think about not long ago.
To survive 7 months of missing and longing for someone who would look and act so differently if he were still with us.
So we are left with our own versions of what could have been.

Of what might still be.
The thought of another has entered our minds...
along with feelings of intense fear and anxiety,
but also of hope.
Hope that things could be different,
and for the better.

We are beginning to realize,
that for us,
there will be no such thing as full healing.
But we are ready,
more than ready...
to think about how we can move forward
and still try for that family we have
always dreamed of.

God willing.
I can only pray
that things might turn out different this time...
that things might happen sooner than later.

This house is too quiet,
we have too much love
and no one to give it to.

This is my third day in bed,
sicker than I have been in a really long time.
And its strange how I suddenly
feel like I did last spring.
Stuck in bed
nothing to do
just wishing I could feel better.
I thought the germs here would be less harsh,
maybe the freezing weather makes them that much tougher.
Whatever it is,
I'm ready for it to go away.

All I know is that I'm starting to get delirious.
I'd rather be teaching high school 
than be stuck in this house another second...

1 comment:

Megan Smith said...

Extra love and prayers with you and Tim as you think about adding someone new to your family. Always a scary jump - even more so for you guys. BUT I pray that we can ALL have faith that God has a plan and I pray EXTRA hard that His plan is for a someday brother or sister for Will. Always thinking about you guys!