Tuesday, February 3, 2009

God Box

When I was hired a few years ago to teach 2nd grade,
I was sooo excited. This was where I was supposed to be...I was blessed to be at a Christian school. As I walked into my new classroom for the first time, I kept discovering things you normally wouldn't see in a public school.

As I began to clean and organize and make it mine,
tucked into a corner I found a really dusty, beat-up black box.
This black box had a hole cut in the top...
and white question marks drawn in puffy paint.

I didn't really know what it was...
until I opened it.
There I found something to entertain me for several minutes.
Written in barely legible little kid writing (so, so cute) were several questions for and to God.
"How old are you?"
"What do you look like?"
"Do you really know everything???"

And then one made my heart skip a beat....
and I don't know why,
but I remembered this today...

"When babies die, do they stay babies in heaven or do they grow up?"

Its strange that when I read that,
I got a really funny feeling.
A premonition?
It just hit something in me...
and it was one of those moments forever ingrained in my memory,
although I haven't thought about it for a really long time...
and have no idea what provoked it to surface this afternoon as I sat in a room full of high schoolers...
Perhaps my mind is on overload as I try to continue to make sense out of something that never will...as I read various devotionals, re-read The Shack, and The Purpose-Driven Life...all in an attempt to find help find some peace.

Even though things have been okay lately, My heart hurts today...
I really miss him today...
and even though I'm not seven, I still wonder the same question...

1 comment:

Megan Smith said...

I love the honesty of children - no boundries - it's amazing. I love you too Julie! Even though I've been a terrible "poster," I pray for you and Tim every day and check in with your blog all the time. Sending you extra comfort and praying for God's perfect peace for you tonight!