Wednesday, April 8, 2009

spring blah



This week is spring break here.
So that means everyone is gone to Florida...
literally, the roads are empty.

Since I have those tests coming up,
I've been trying to study.
Its crap.
Studying when you are old
is so overrated.
In fact, studying for a job that doesn't exist...
makes it even more stupid.
Yet, here I am.
Is that having hope...or being in denial?

So I've distracted myself
with a little cleaning...
with facebook (which I am realizing that I absolutely hate for reasons I will never tell to anyone)
and putting up some Uppercase Living expressions I bought.
They turned out pretty good...

I'm thinking that Sophie loves hers:)
But now I have something to look forward to:
New York City.
Words cannot express how excited I am.
Tim has to go for work at the end of the month,
I am going to fly out and meet him for a long weekend.

So I guess I won't pout about being stuck here this week.
This trip is long overdue.
But still, this week is starting to drive me insane.
I decided that one of two things has to happen
or I'll officially lose it...
either a job presents itself
or a baby does.

And since I didn't win the lottery yesterday,
which is the first ticket I have EVER purchased
(that would have been a great story, even if I had won $5...)
I can't just flit around and pretend its going to be okay.

After a year,
I'm almost ready to give up on this state.
Go elsewhere for a job.
But the thing is,
I know what job I want...
to be a mom,
yet,
that hasn't presented itself either.

I'm still determined to keep it together,
to see these troubles
as opportunities,
as times that will shape me.

Who knows why things happen to way they do.
I gave up a long time trying to figure that one out...
which is why I put that other expression above my bedroom door.

So its the last thing I see before going to bed,
and the first thing I see at the start of each new day.

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