Friday, June 12, 2009

Finally, some sun...

Woke up with a jolt this morning,
I was dreaming
and then something smashed into my window.
For all I knew, it could have been a deer or something.
It was that loud.

I bolted up in bed and looked out my window,
nothing under the window
but a huge deer was at the far end of our lawn.
His new antlers were still fuzzy as they were growing in.
It wasn't him that made the noise, obviously,
but perhaps a large bird giddy because the sun is actually out.

So here I sit,
somewhat giddy as well, if I can even get giddy anymore...
Maybe just anxious, perhaps from all the coffee I slammed this morning.
About to drop off another resume.
That great feeling I've had?
turns out I was onto something,
I have an interview on Tues.
Now I realize that there are probably something like 25 other people also fighting for this...
but I pray that they see something in me.
And besides, we all know how hard I can fight.
I just pray that I'm given a chance.
First impressions are everything here,
and I'm not so sure I make the best ones.

I hate interviews.
You have to sell yourself while sounding confident,
and I always feel like its the most cocky/not humble experience.
And with my teaching experience in CA,
and after subbing in the local districts back here...
I know without a doubt I bring something totally different to the table.

Regardless of what happens, I know I need this.
I need a purpose,
a schedule,
someone (or lots of little someones) to distract me from the emptiness.

I'm trying not to think about the whole baby thing.
I'm trying not to wonder why its taking so long,
if the stress is affecting me
if its even meant to be.
There is no doubt that I am disappointed it has nearly been a year,
and we aren't on our way again.
And I'm pretty sure this month is another failed attempt.

like I said,
I'm not going to think about that.
I'm going to focus on the one thing I can be good at:
the interview on Tuesday morning.
*Any prayers are greatly appreciated...


~lisa said...

praying for you...

Paula said...

praying for ya, Julie! They'd be SO lucky to have you!