Monday, June 1, 2009

A little seed called...Hope

Its June.
That is insane to me.
This is because,
while the rest of the world has continued on,
while friends have gotten pregnant and had those babies weeks and months ago,
while others have taught an entire school year,
celebrated holidays and birthdays...
my life has stood still,
or been a fog
since that fateful day last July.

Every so often,
my eyes are opened as I fight to awake from a deep hibernation,
that I really have no control of.
Sometimes I manage to stay awake long enough to create a new memory...
most of the time I quickly fall back asleep.
But lately, my awake spells have been more frequent...
and are lasting longer.

I'm not sure if this is because it is nearly summer here,
or if my intuition that something is going to happen soon...
just might be correct.
Because 6 months ago,
I was convinced that if someone was to look up the
definition of hell in the dictionary...
you just might find the words: Julie's current life situation.
I'm joking of course....somewhat.

But this week, I found out that besides the obvious,
I wasn't able to shake myself out of this for good reason.
There was nothing to hope for.
Then with the simplest thing as an email,
and a possibility for a job...
that was all that was needed for the clouds to part in the slightest way...
and finally let some light into my dark world.

Now there is a good chance that nothing will become of this,
but I have hope again.
And even if I don't get a call or an interview...
I have learned that I am going to take this hopeful feeling and run with it.
Even if it does only last for a couple of days.
And just maybe,
if its meant to be,
this new found purpose could possibly last longer than that.

And it could have the possibility
to be the start of something new.

It could be silly,
to open myself up for more let downs.
But at this point,
I really don't care.
Its feels good to be optimistic again.

1 comment:

Megan Smith said...

I like optimistic Julie! ;)