Time keeps creeping closer to the days I have been dreading for a really long time. On Friday, Will would have been one...and its a hard thing to imagine~that it has already been a year.
Another month of negative pregnancy tests
is just the latest realization that not a whole lot has changed for us.
Not yet anyways.
When Will passed away,
I didn't care about anything.
I wanted to die right along with him.
The only thing I wanted,
the only thing that gave a ray of hope,
was to be pregnant by the time this anniversary rolled around.
To make it slightly less painful,
to help make it bearable.
I'm just trying to keep it together...
to not ask why
or wonder how things could be different.
My other daily prayer
has been for a job.
I had a great interview last week,
and was actually surprised
when I got the "thank you but no thank you" email yesterday.
But I still hope that something will turn,
I have to.
The only thing I have left is hope.
So, tomorrow I have one last interview
for a truly perfect position.
A part time teaching job,
teaching my most favorite subjects:
Social Studies & Language Arts.
At the school I attended,
and had my most favorite and inspiring teachers.
To say that I hope this works out is an understatement.
I need this to happen.
For so many reasons...