Monday, September 14, 2009

Comfort food.

Last fall, I remember how quickly time went.
Its still going so fast.
Every month, we wait to see if this is "the" month.
Once again...it isn't.
And it is so heartbreaking after all that has happened.
Waiting to have a baby is kind of the same as trying to find work.
You can do everything right and still not get it...which all around sucks.
And everywhere you look, other people have one...so why can't I?

I am grateful to be in a routine now,
me and excessive free time really shouldn't be friends.
As school occupies more of my time now,
work distracts me from thinking too much.
But deep down, the question is still there...
and burns even more with each friend that tells me they are pregnant with such ease.

There have been lots of bumps in the road this month.
And they are so stupid that I just want to throw my hands in the air
and wonder why some aspect of our lives just can't go smoothly.
All the mindless distractions are keeping me from doing
what I really need to do.
Sometimes, I really feel like my faith has been challenged enough
and one of these times it will shatter forever.

I guess you could say I had a bad day today.
We all have them.
How bad was mine?
Bad enough to skip out on spinning class tonight
and instead eat a Nutty Bar (yes, the same thing I tried to sneak and eat while in the hospital with diabetes).
Two packs actually...
enough said.

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