Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Always.


Tonight I am missing you tremendously.
It started out harmless enough...
looking for a family Christmas card.
Then after looking at the picture perfect families,
I am coming to the realization that ours won't ever be.
Because no matter what,
you won't be here to be in it.
There will always be a huge hole in our family.
Always.

Any picture I pick out,
it just isn't right.
You are in our constant thoughts,
still a huge part of this family...
yet there is no picture.
No way to document just how much we think of you...
How much we still ache and love you.

So here we go.
Another heart breaking holiday season.
Others have their kids,
their wish lists...
many have new babies.
All I want is something I can't have...
you.
But instead, I'll pretend to be fine.
So I won't hamper the joy for others.
All the while,
I'll be thinking of you....
like always.

1 comment:

Cassandra said...

Christmas is hard. My little girl would have been five this december It Hurts a lot. I came to your blog throught merediths at the Ramer bunch. We had to go down the fertility treatment road too after we lost elizabeth and we now have a little 21 month old Annalise. It was a very hard time. having annalise did help us in our grief and having a gap also did,Although that was not my plan I wanted to chibaget pregnant straight away so that mt arms wouldn't be empty anymore. But You know I think Christmas will always be hard.