Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Lent

If there has been any sort of trend in my life since Will's death...
it has been the fluctuation of time.
It either goes by in a blur and suddenly much time has passed,
or it drags by.
Lately, it has been like I go to bed and when I wake up...the week is over.

This is a very good thing right now.
I have reached a point where I am trying very hard
to not let being pregnant and the timing of the week I am in,
control my thoughts and actions.
But it isn't that easy.
16 weeks.
At this time with Will, we were moving from CA to MI. And I felt great.
At 17 weeks, things began to go horribly wrong...
and at 18 weeks my water broke and I found myself in the hospital being told my baby would die...which didn't happen until much later and we all know that story.

So...
Its been difficult not to worry.
Which brings me to my thought of the day.
What to give up for lent?
This crossed my mind at the grocery store today,
as I shopped for healthy (low carb-low fat-low processed-low fun) food.
Then I thought, "screw it..." and threw a bag of Easter blow pop suckers into my cart.
I could see how this was going to go.

Everyone seems to give up something food related:
pop, candy, junk food...
but I kind of gave most of that stuff up a really long time ago.
Then I considered giving up lots of different things,
that really weren't realistic: eating out, occasional swearing, the McDonald's drive-thru...
After thinking about each of these, my immediate response was, "Yeah, right."

So, then I came to my idea of letting go or giving up worrying.
It can be done,
and it will be a challenge.
But an even bigger challenge?
How does one even know if they are not worrying...
Sigh.
All I can say is that Easter better hurry up and get here.

1 comment:

Penni said...

So glad to see a new post! Hang in there!!