Thursday, March 4, 2010

Good days

This week has been a milestone...
not sure if its because the sun has been out 4 days in a row,
or because the temperature actually reached 40...
it may be the fact that I am 18 weeks along today,
or that it is finally March...
but something feels different~
in a good way.

A few months after Will died,
another mom who lost her newborn told me that eventually the pain does dull a bit.
But she was also 5 years into the process,
and I wasn't even 5 months.
I would have to admit that while I do feel differently,
it isn't because I love Will any less or because this whole situation
has gotten "better"...
it really doesn't work that way.
Its because we have a new sense of normal.
We have a routine...
and now we also have a renewed sense of hope with this baby.
A huge and hopefully happy event to look forward to.

During Will's pregnancy, the night of my 18th week marked my
2nd trip to the ER...
my 1st overnight stay in the hospital...
and the 1st time a doctor told me the baby would die.

This time,
I am laying in my own bed.
Healthy and content,
saying prayers of thanks for yet another good day.
And that is all I ever really pray for anymore...
just a really long string...
of really good days.

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