Thursday, May 27, 2010

Last big appointment!

Its shocking to write 2 posts in one day...
but I had to share.
Today we had our last appointment with the high risk doctors.
They have officially cut me loose back to my "normal" doctor
and I have no further appointments with them.

Everything looks good,
and he is measuring about 3 lbs 8 oz.
Its amazing how far technology has come in the past couple of years
and how we have been able to see so much just from one little ultrasound.

We didn't get the best pictures today, 
but they were a huge improvement from last time.
He is currently breech.
The last appointment he was head down with an arm and a foot in front of his face (see black & white pic), so...
this time I am content that we at least got an idea of what his face looks like.
But he was all over the place,
and that arm...still over his face.
So while I love looking at the 3D pictures, I know he probably won't look a whole lot like that in another 8-10 weeks.

But we are thrilled with the good news.
My c-section is scheduled for July 27th...
but if that actually goes according to plan,
I will be utterly shocked.
So here is to another two months of a completely boring and uneventful pregnancy! :)

30 weeks and counting...

Where in the world has the time gone?
That is the question of the month for me.
As I stare at half a dozen blog posts that I started, 
then never actually posted...
I am again reminded how important it is for me to still write.
Because I don't want to forget this.

I don't want to forget what a great (but VERY busy!) month  May has been,
and that I survived my 2nd Mother's Day without Will with much more grace and dignity than the year before...that this May has not been a low point in my life like the last...and that I had a birthday this week but DID NOT have a nervous breakdown...

We're making huge progress, people.

I am finally able to breathe a little deeper now that we have reached the 30 week mark.
Can you believe it?
I almost can not.
It seems surreal at times,
because honestly there were so many dark days in the last two years in which I actually let the negative thoughts creep in...that something like this just wasn't in God's plan for me.
And as my sister began asking about baby showers and dates back in March and April,
I completely and utterly blew her off.
Because I kept waiting for something to happen.
A baby shower for me??
I'd be lying if I said the word "NEVER" didn't cross my mind.

Today is May 27th...
two years ago on May 26th, the day after my 29th birthday I walked into the hospital for a very long 7 week stay.

I can't believe its been two years.
At the time, I was 25 weeks along with Will.
This time, I am 30 weeks and things are completely different.
I can't imagine this baby being born at the same gestational age as Will...
only 2 weeks from now??
No. This time I am in it for the long stretch.
And in realizing that things are different this time,
I allowed my family to plan that baby shower.
Again, Surreal.
But allowing myself to feel excited again is a somewhat strange feeling.

Only to me, its not about what normal showers usually are...
for me, this is a full on celebration.
I think a lot of other people feel the same:)
Now if only I could merge my two home states,
Michigan & California for one day...
that would be so nice.
Because this celebration doesn't seem complete without so many that have been the distance with us...and have not the let the physical distance matter in any way.

Awhile back, in support group, we heard many couples referring to their child born after their loss...
their rainbow baby.
I thought it was a cute "label" but didn't use it much,
since others that had never heard of it made ignorant and not so funny comments...
But this baby...
is definitely our rainbow child.
Its taken lots of stormy and dark days,
along with countless tears and rain...
but it makes this particular rainbow
just that much more beautiful.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

photo session

Over a month ago
we had a photo session and I finally have a few of the pictures to share...
I'm happy with the way they turned out,
and the entire time we were there
I just kept thinking to myself how blessed I was that this was finally happening.

And suddenly, its over a month and half later...
and soon we will be thinking about different pictures.
Family pictures with our newborn son.

There is not one day that passes in which I take this for granted...
and I must admit that I go to sleep every night thanking God for the newest revelation in my life...
the return of peace and near happiness.
It has eluded me for years...
and I am grateful to have it back.

Having these pictures is something we never got to do with Will,
so I am making sure I do things different this time.
And when I looked at these photos,
I saw something I haven't seen in either of us in a really long time.
A small piece of who we used to be...