Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Shower pics

Where did June go?!
I remember the week before Thanksgiving when I found out that I was pregnant,
and in trying to figure out my due date before seeing the doctor...when I saw the month of July pop into the calculator online I thought that seemed like FOREVER away.
"If I can just make it to June..." I remember thinking.

Well, surprise, I have actually made it further this time-Hooray!
And its a sure sign to my body just how much further I have come with baby #2.
Because I AM HUGE.
But I also don't really care:)
That is...until I see myself in a picture.
And then its utterly disturbing, to realize just what I look like to everyone else.
But regardless, I'll be a good sport and share some pictures from the baby shower that my friends and step-sis put on for me in early June...even though I can't believe what I am seeing sometimes.

There are a few more pictures coming...
but blogger is messing them up again,
and I only have so much patience nowadays:)

But the baby showers are now done,
and July will be about getting his room ready, making last minute purchases on necessary baby items and relaxing until little man makes his debut.
My c-section is scheduled for the 27th,
part of me wishes that he might come a bit earlier, on his own time.
Its so strange to think of waking up on the 27th and having a baby by appointment,
kind of like going to the dentist.
But after everything that has come before this,
I'll take it:)

Thursday, June 17, 2010

What's in a name?

I'm thinking a lot about Will today,
he would have been 23 months old.
Only a month away from it being two years,
and also only a month away from having a new baby...
my mind has been heavy with lots of thoughts.

There are some days in which I still struggle,
with concerns that only a mother who has lost a baby can understand.
Is this baby going to look like Will?
Will the birth be happy, or will we miss him even more?
Either way, I am ready for change...
ready to have this new little guy in my arms.

And so we have been playing the name game for many weeks now.
Will's name evolved pretty quickly,
so its unlike Tim & I to be so indecisive.
But this one is hard.
So, only a few weeks away and still no definite name~
we have narrowed down a few, but I am guessing we will firmly decide once we see his little face...
after all, the name has to fit!

But in the meantime, time has been flying.
There have been some baby showers, and a flurry of last minute "to do's" before July hits...
Its still surreal that we have made it this far,
its exciting and scary at the same time.
We were sitting together the other night,
and it suddenly hit me...
"Holy crap, this is actually happening this time."
We've been waiting years.
And there were many times after Will's death when I actually thought this day would never come...
but things change.
And this change has been a really long time in coming.

Thankfulness and a mix of other emotions are setting in.
This is so much more complicated than simply a "new baby,"
there are so many other aspects rolled into this moment in our lives.
At this point, I have resorted back to my 
"one day at a time" mentality.
And so I am enjoying the pregnancy brain, the sore legs, and all the other things most people complain about...I am enjoying each day as it comes, knowing it is my own personal miracle...
and also knowing that soon this time will be over and we will look back and wonder where the days went.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

32 weeks

Taking a break while putting together the crib.

After the paint job...and the infamous "elephant gray"

Before the transformation...but blogger wouldn't let me place this picture first (of course!)

So much has been going on around here,
its been hard to keep up.
I have not written a blog,
or even had time to really read any other blogs for that matter...
We have been busy getting ready for this baby.
And this has been such a great thing...
This last week marked 32 weeks.

Yes, 32 weeks.
I have to repeat it because sometimes I still don't believe I made it this far.
This is the gestational time that I gave birth to Will,
so its also hard to believe that when I see my stomach roll and change form
it means there is yet another little person in there who is even a little bigger than Will was when he was born.

I feel like I am carrying a miracle.
Just in the last month I feel like I can relax a little bit.
Enjoyment in the process is taking form.
My mom and the neighbors hosted a baby shower for me last week.
Again, a wonderful but surreal experience.
The next day, we put together baby furniture.
This furniture had been purchased years ago, while we lived in CA.
Its been moved and shaken so much, the boxes were being held together with tape.
Yet, somehow despite all the moves and rough handling the furniture remained perfect and it looks beautiful.

How can something so damaged on the outside still turn out nearly perfect??
I have no idea...
Then there is the nursery paint...
My dad volunteered to paint the walls a gorgeous color we found from Pottery Barn Kids called Elephant Gray.
Who knew elephants could also be purple or maybe even a shade of lavender??
The paint job looks fantastic, and if we were having a girl I would be smitten with this elephant gray...however, its not exactly the look we are going for with boy #2 on the way.
It actually didn't look purple until the sun hit the room the next day and we put the finished furniture next to the wall with all of the cute blue bedding we had.
Go figure.

And so putting together the nursery will have to wait a few more weeks until we can get the proper color on the walls.
But all these things; showers, putting furniture together and painting...
mark the beginning of something I thought might never happen.
As we make all the preparations I am constantly giving thanks.
It has been an extremely long road,
but having faith and being patient has paid off.
Although, I must admit that I was not so patient putting together the changing table...
especially when all the pieces fell on the garage floor.
Tim has become a pro at navigating my various pregnancy hormone fits that seem to come more frequently in the past few weeks:)

But with all these changes taking place
there is a huge transformation taking over this house...
both in the physical structure and in us.
And all I can say is that it is about time:)
But just like the room, its a work in progress...
but at least now, I'm beginning to see just what kind of progress we are making
and I am so, so thankful.