Thursday, June 17, 2010

What's in a name?

I'm thinking a lot about Will today,
he would have been 23 months old.
Only a month away from it being two years,
and also only a month away from having a new baby...
my mind has been heavy with lots of thoughts.

There are some days in which I still struggle,
with concerns that only a mother who has lost a baby can understand.
Is this baby going to look like Will?
Will the birth be happy, or will we miss him even more?
Either way, I am ready for change...
ready to have this new little guy in my arms.

And so we have been playing the name game for many weeks now.
Will's name evolved pretty quickly,
so its unlike Tim & I to be so indecisive.
But this one is hard.
So, only a few weeks away and still no definite name~
we have narrowed down a few, but I am guessing we will firmly decide once we see his little face...
after all, the name has to fit!

But in the meantime, time has been flying.
There have been some baby showers, and a flurry of last minute "to do's" before July hits...
Its still surreal that we have made it this far,
its exciting and scary at the same time.
We were sitting together the other night,
and it suddenly hit me...
"Holy crap, this is actually happening this time."
We've been waiting years.
And there were many times after Will's death when I actually thought this day would never come...
but things change.
And this change has been a really long time in coming.

Thankfulness and a mix of other emotions are setting in.
This is so much more complicated than simply a "new baby,"
there are so many other aspects rolled into this moment in our lives.
At this point, I have resorted back to my 
"one day at a time" mentality.
And so I am enjoying the pregnancy brain, the sore legs, and all the other things most people complain about...I am enjoying each day as it comes, knowing it is my own personal miracle...
and also knowing that soon this time will be over and we will look back and wonder where the days went.

2 comments:

carriekuipers said...

I still catch glimpses of my little boys in my other kids - their mouth - or the shape of their face. I see similarities - even though the boys were so small. I have always thought that God did that for me so I would have a little picture of what the boys would have looked like when they got older. Sydney has James' mouth and Greyson has the same shape face as Hudson - I see the similarities less now than when the kids were younger - I miss that sometimes. I am excited for you to get that "surprise" when you look down and see Will in your new son. It will bring a smile to your face!

Megan Smith said...

It still hurts my heart every time I see the Will's name next to the word "death." He's been in my heart and thoughts a lot lately as 2 years approaches for Lucy and for Will.

Just thinking of him..and y'all...and the Baby Boy to come! Always in my prayers ;)