Friday, October 15, 2010

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

This past weekend we marked our 3rd Walk to Remember in Honor of Will.
I can hardly believe this is the 3rd one...
and the transformation that has taken place.

When I look back at that first year picture and its so sunny and beautiful,
it feels like yesterday.
I feel the same way about our last night with Will.
It was so beautiful and yet even though its been over 2 years, it still feels like yesterday...
But this year, we had Jack.
And while many may think that it was easier or possibly more bearable,
I have to say that having a new baby does not fill the hole left by the one that passed.
They are two different people,
and if anything I was left to wonder just how Will would react to his new brother.
But instead, we made another balloon just for Jack to send up to Will.
That first year I dreamed that one day I would be able to bring a new baby to the walk...
and that it would be better.
It would be easier.
Well, it wasn't either.
It still is what it is and that is all.
Our lives are woven of people and memories,
and all these things come together in a sort of fabric that make us who we are.
Even though Will was only here a short time,
his memory continues to be woven throughout who I am...and what kind of mother I want to be for Jack.
And as more things are woven together, Will is not left behind as a memory...
I still carry his heart in mine,
no matter where I go...

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