Thursday, January 20, 2011

2.5

Two and half years ago yesterday, Will died.

After all this time, nothing really has changed on the inside.
I still miss him terribly and think about him numerous times a day. That probably surprises a lot of people. But it really shouldn't...I have found that with Jack being born, people are quick to forget who came before.

But as a mother, you never do...

There are times when I glance at Jack, see a similarity and it causes me to catch my breath. We look out the window together at the falling snow and I tell him about his brother. He has no idea what I am talking about right now, but as he grows up, he will know about Will.

Most days now are filled with such crazy busy "mom tasks" like feeding Jack, keeping him happy and constantly changing him from outfit to outfit as he drools or throws up. I don't have time to be sad...in fact finding time to clean or change out of sweat pants still can be a challenge! And don't even get me started on trying to keep up with everything I want to blog about...

But every now and then he will look at me with those eyes, or cuddle up to me in the middle of the night after a bottle and I can't stop the tears from streaming down my face. I hug him as if I am hugging them both.

Jack is such a blessing and as his little personality is beginning to show...
I'm loving him twice as hard.

2 comments:

Stacie said...

I recall finding your blog around the time your son passed away. And I prayed for your peace and the child you wanted so badly. Very happy for your sweet 6 month old blessing. And continuing to pray for the peace needed to continue on with only one of two sons here with you.

Much love,
Stacie Smith

Cathi Heilman said...

Beautiful, Perfect Blog! I want to reach through this computer screen and hug you.