Tuesday, January 11, 2011

New Year...New Family

Our little family had a great Christmas this year...
and if there was one phrase that Tim and I found ourselves constantly repeating to ourselves and to each other was,

"What a difference a year makes."

This was the year we had been waiting MANY years for...
Jack has brought back a love for life that I thought I might never see again. The past few holidays were so painful without Will and without any sort of real hope that we often thought of selling everything we owned and escaping to some far away land. Some of our family & friends understood our grief and were supportive, while others were so painfully clueless that it has led us to simply cut out any sort of gatherings because we just couldn't take it.

What a difference a year makes...
New Years 2008, we were beat up. Without our son, in a new state, and me without a job...I'll be honest, there wasn't anything happy about life at that moment. I wanted out. January 2009 was the lowest point in my life and yet when I think back (isn't that really what New Years is all about? Reflection?) I have no idea what kept me from giving up except for one thing, there was about a gram of hope left in my soul. All I did was pray for that spec of hope to grow and as it did with time I also found my faith being restored...it simply HAD to get better than this.

New Years 2009, I had a secret that I had just shared with family. Even though I was about 12 weeks along I was terrified. Terrified that this would end up just like the other 3...and when I started having more complications last January I threw my hands in the air and was at a complete loss. I didn't even know what to pray...Did I pray for a miscarriage right then so it wouldn't be like Will all over again? Was that how damaged I was that I had given up even thinking it might turn out the way I had only started to allow myself to dare to dream? Each day in 2010 leading up to Jack's birth was an achievement.

New Years 2010...I stared at my dream come true laying in his crib. I cursed my neighbors for setting of fireworks in front of our house at midnight and waking me from my precious sleep...and I stared at Jack once again as he slept right through. This year, I was physically drained but finally emotionally and spiritually thriving. I finally felt myself again. It had been a long journey to get here...

But what a difference a year makes.
And now as we make our way into 2011 I wonder what this year will bring. No matter what it does, my resolution is to be better at blogging about it!!
Happy New Year:)


marion said...

Those pictures of Jack are SO CUTE!!! I see so much of you and Tim in Jack. I'm so happy for you and your family. May 2011 be absolutely wonderful for you guys!

Shannon said...

Soooo Cute.

Rachel is requesting more pictures.

Love Shannon and Rachel