Thursday, July 28, 2011


Jack's 1st Haircut
Visiting the bricks that Grandma & Grandpa had done in honor of Will in Rockford.

What a crazy time these past two weeks have been.
We made it through Will's 3rd Birthday and death anniversary
just looking towards the future and Jack's 1st Birthday to get us through.
This year was still difficult and being 23 weeks pregnant only made
me more emotional.
Then on July 21st my grandmother passed away after a long battle with Alzheimer's.
Even though I have been preparing for this for many years,
no matter what I might have thought, it still hit me hard.
I love my grandma,
she was the grandma I spent much time with growing up and knew the best.
So on Monday we had her funeral
and this week has felt like a roller coaster.
Again, death and birth all within a few days of each other.
And to think that just a few years ago July used to just be a completely boring month for our family!

But yesterday we celebrated Jack's 1st birthday with just the 3 of us.
He is such a good boy lately,
and I am loving him to pieces.
His big party is going to be Saturday and I am loving every minute of the preparations.
Its crazy and hectic,
but I have waited so long for this type of celebration.
My kids are going to grow up knowing just how special every year...every day...they are here on this earth really is.
As for me?
I'm looking forward to finally getting to party after all this mourning...
Its been a long time coming,
but so worth the wait.
How is Jack handling turning one?
He was a sport and was such a good boy for his 1st haircut...
we have had fun celebrating all the little "1st" this year has had to offer.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Will's 3rd Birthday

I remember every July so clearly since Will was born.
2008 being in the hospital and a huge storm whipping through the night before he was born.
2009 being so sucky as we were still grieving so hard and wondering why we couldn't get pregnant...
2010, being so darn hot and me about to explode in the heat...but determined NOT to have Jack born on his brother's birthday or the dreaded other day just 52 hours from now.
And here we are in 2011...surprisingly pregnant again, getting ready to celebrate Jack's 1st birthday in just 10 days.

This year I feel incredibly blessed,
but it doesn't take the sting of Will not being here away.
It still hurts.
But honestly, what hurts even worse is something that the passing of time brings...
the habit of forgetting.

Sure, I am planning a huge party for Jack.
But tomorrow I want to remember Will.
And we are supposed to get together with family, and some mentioned saving "time" and celebrating Jack's birthday early...

To me this is so hurtful.
I'm sure not intentional, but unfortunately we have a lot of family that rarely mentions our son, our grief and says things like "Oh yeah, we knew his birthday was around this time."
And that is if they even say anything at all.
Hurtful because it is already an afterthought...
like he never existed.
And this is a battle every mother that has even lost a child has had to endure.
Because my heart won't even allow me to forget.

Happy 3rd Birthday, sweet Will.
Not a day goes by that I don't wonder what life would be like if you were still here...
what you would say,
what you would love to eat,
what you would love to play with...
and who you never got to become.

Your birthday changed daddy and me forever,
and we'll be better parents to your brothers because you were here first.
We love and miss you more than words can say...
And we are so grateful to our family and friends that are brave and strong enough to remember you...and who choose to remember, even though it isn't always easy.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

3 for 3

So this is really late,
and I feel really bad about it...
but we had our 20 week ultrasound a couple of weeks ago.
I take for granted how easy it is just to post a one liner on Facebook anymore,
and that is about all the time I have lately because Jack is

But we got word that he will have another partner in crime
in November...
A little brother to get into even more trouble with.

Tim and I were a little shocked that number 3 was another boy,
both of us feeling so blessed but wondering just how we would manage the chaos:)
But since they will only be 15 months apart,
I'm hoping they will be best buddies.

And the fact that we already are acquiring lots of boys things makes it super economical:)
I am so excited for this new little boy to join our family.
And from the look of the 3D images,
if I imagine in my head just right...
all 3 of my boys appear to have very similar features.

I'm just so thankful that everything is going well and he is healthy.
Now we play the name game...
and I am honestly out of boys names!

I promise to post the 3D pics of #3 as soon as I can get them downloaded:)