Saturday, July 16, 2011

Will's 3rd Birthday

I remember every July so clearly since Will was born.
2008 being in the hospital and a huge storm whipping through the night before he was born.
2009 being so sucky as we were still grieving so hard and wondering why we couldn't get pregnant...
2010, being so darn hot and me about to explode in the heat...but determined NOT to have Jack born on his brother's birthday or the dreaded other day just 52 hours from now.
And here we are in 2011...surprisingly pregnant again, getting ready to celebrate Jack's 1st birthday in just 10 days.

This year I feel incredibly blessed,
but it doesn't take the sting of Will not being here away.
It still hurts.
But honestly, what hurts even worse is something that the passing of time brings...
the habit of forgetting.

Sure, I am planning a huge party for Jack.
But tomorrow I want to remember Will.
And we are supposed to get together with family, and some mentioned saving "time" and celebrating Jack's birthday early...

To me this is so hurtful.
I'm sure not intentional, but unfortunately we have a lot of family that rarely mentions our son, our grief and says things like "Oh yeah, we knew his birthday was around this time."
WHAT?!
And that is if they even say anything at all.
Hurtful because it is already an afterthought...
like he never existed.
And this is a battle every mother that has even lost a child has had to endure.
Because my heart won't even allow me to forget.

Happy 3rd Birthday, sweet Will.
Not a day goes by that I don't wonder what life would be like if you were still here...
what you would say,
what you would love to eat,
what you would love to play with...
and who you never got to become.

Your birthday changed daddy and me forever,
and we'll be better parents to your brothers because you were here first.
We love and miss you more than words can say...
And we are so grateful to our family and friends that are brave and strong enough to remember you...and who choose to remember, even though it isn't always easy.

1 comment:

barbie said...

Hey Julie-
Thinking about you & praying for you. Another boy...how exciting!
They will be best buddies!!!
Hope you are doing well.
Barbie