Good-bye June...

Can't believe its July 1st today...a whole month in the hospital. Craziness.

Nothing new to report, just taking one day at a time. Its working. Of course, I have my moments...but today (0r at the moment) I am feeling optimistic, so I'll take it.

Today we had a little get together with some of the other women on the floor. This is the 2nd thing I have attended. There was only 1 other girl from before and she also has PROM (premature rupture of the membranes). Although, she can't be much older than me and she already has 5 kids and her doctors are optimistic on this baby too. Soooooo, as you can imagine, sometimes I would rather just stay in my room and joke with the nurses instead.

Tomorrow Soph is going to spend the night with Tim before the big weekend, that should be interesting:) Otherwise, things are somewhat boring, but I am finding things to occupy my time...mostly I paint my picture, sleep, and joke with the nurses. I just focus on when I get out of here and how wonderful it will be to feel like I am being productive again.

New Room...

Biggest news for the day...I got moved to a corner room. Pretty excited actually, it has a bunch more windows and more room. The change of scenery is nice too. So if you plan on visiting, give a ring first or stop by the nurses station so you don't walk into the wrong room!! I just don't want to post the number on this blog for the world to see.

Other than that, it was a good day. Had one of my favorite nurses. Tim brought lunch and Sophie. We all went on a nice, long walk, and then I had a surprise visit from a great, old friend. Couldn't ask for much more...other than to go home.

Did a little research and also talked with the doctor today regarding Will. Things still don't look that promising and I am really trying to keep the faith. I guess for the first time in my life, this one thing that I don't want to face. It is one thing that Tim and I find difficult to talk about. Too many "what ifs" and both of us just don't know what to expect at all. For everything that we have been through, we're totally clueless right now. Sometimes this just seems too hard and too scary. This is one of those days. I think my biggest challenge today is all my useless wishing that things could be...should be...so different right now. And to think that I wanted to have like 4 kids! It is going to take a lot of time and courage for us to face this road again, even if Will does make it through okay...it just hasn't been what we always dreamed of, and of its been totally unlike all of our friends' stories.

I need to get over the fact that this isn't just going to go away and I do need to deal with it.
I just wish I knew what I was going to be dealing with.

Another day in paradise...

Last night Tim and I had date night. Nothing like a little take out from T.G.I Friday's and a movie from Netflix to take me away from this place for a few hours. We decided that this will be our Friday night routine, a reward of sorts...only a few more to go.

I am just grateful to eat anything other than the nasty hospital food, which nearly makes me dry heave every time I look at it. Last night's dinner tray was no exception. They messed up my carbs again and then some of it I couldn't even eat, but I had to try because they test my blood sugar after every meal. I started to feel pretty crappy (Kelly this is when you happened to call and no wonder I felt the way I did!) and they tested my blood at it was at 56! Yikes...it is normally between 110 and 140. So on a bright note I got to drink some oj and eat some of my chex mix I was eyeing the past two days.

My family stopped by this afternoon and we took a walk around Heritage Hill (for all of those not familiar with GR, its the blocks around the hospital with tons of old homes built around the early 1900's that are amazing). They pushed me in the wheelchair and we enjoyed the great weather. It was hard to go back inside...

Still waiting to see if I get moved to a nice corner room. I'm praying that it happens tomorrow, I just need a change of scenery. Since I've been here its gone from spring to summer, it is so surreal. I think I'm just getting extremely homesick, I especially miss looking out into our back yard to see the deer in the woods. I pray every night that things go okay and July will be a great month for numerous reasons.

29 Weeks...

I'm laying in bed with my shirt pulled up, watching my belly move.
Will has the hiccups.
I hate it when Tim isn't around to see this kind of stuff...The baby only seems to do act up when its just the two of us and no one else to witness such an event...

Today marks the beginning of Week 29...officially the 3rd trimester. My doctor made rounds this morning and they have tentatively set my c-section date for Wednesday, July 23rd @ noon. With my luck, now that they have set a date, something will probably happen before then. Nothing ever happens according to plan! At least not with this baby.

I have mixed feelings about this. Both excitement and fear wrapped into one. It will be a relief to know that I can go home soon, but once Will is born a whole new experience is going to take place. Besides, I'm also nervous about the surgery because I have never been operated on or anything before...no broken bones, no stitches...so this is kind of a big deal to me.
We are all in limbo here, we want to be excited, yet are scared to death to have a very sick baby that might potentially not make it. All we can do right now is deal with it, because it simply is what it is...and it isn't up to anyone here on earth to decide the outcome, so all we can do is continually pray and hope for the best.

We are continually grateful for everyone's thoughts and prayers as we all await anxiously for this baby that has a complete miracle so far...I'm a firm believer in the power of prayer and know that there are so many people cheering him on, and this means so much.

Day 29

All I can think about today is what I am going to eat once I am no longer diabetic. I was just checking out some of my friends' blogs, including one that features awesome cupcakes from a friend I taught with in CA...Kelly's blog: Once Upon a Cupcake and the cupcakes she has made (or rather looking at the pictures) is enough to make me want to pull out my hair...they look so good. Yes, I like to torture myself by looking at pictures of things I cannot eat!

Nothing is worse than being hungry when you are pregnant, especially when craving all sorts of food that I cannot have, whether its fresh fruit or chocolate. Today I am starving and its making me go crazy. And just now I realized that I have a huge bag of chex mix stashed beside my bed that I had given to me before all the tests were done...I'm thinking that my self control might be waning today. I gave in last week and started to bite into a nutty bar, only to get a knock on my door...I jumped out of my skin and tossed the half eaten dessert into the drawer beside my bed out of sheer panic and guilt. How pathetic.

Okay, I need distractions. Ha, those are running few and far between. Yesterday was so boring and the weather was bad, so I never made it outside. Today the weather is nasty again, but I don't care if I get wheeled around the hospital~I HAVE to get out of this room. My latest time-wasting habit has been visiting all of the websites of my favorite stores (which are all having big sales right now), filling up my shopping cart, and the closing the window. Its nice to pretend that I will actually have a life again where I can wear something other than pajamas and live in a real house!

An answer to my prayers: a distraction. My favorite doctor just left my room and we discussed scheduling a c-section. So, about 2 weeks from tomorrow, they will pick a day for the following week. We're getting closer! I want this time to come so badly, yet it scare me to death. I just don't want the next phase to be a whole new ordeal...I just can't pray any harder. This may sound terrible, but I either hope its all or nothing. "All" meaning that Will needs some monitoring but is going to be healthy overall...or "nothing" meaning that if he is sick or severely disabled that God takes him home quickly with as little suffering as possible...

Of course, I want it all...

4 Whole Weeks!!!

The last 24 hours have been less than normal. Nothing that big of a deal, but lots of time on the monitor and the nurses are scolding me for "acting up." The last four weeks have been uneventful...but I did tell the doctor that if something happened in the next week I would not be shocked at all. Still, my goal is to at least make it to the 4th of July because that will put me at 30 weeks.

The minor happenings started yesterday with him kicking my cervix so hard it made me start bleeding again, once that began they put me on the monitor and I had a few mild contractions. The reason they are so puckered is that because my water has already broken, labor can come very quickly and then go super fast with little warning. So I am very closely monitored. While on the monitor, his heart rate dropped twice for a few seconds. This they believe is his cord being compressed, which is another result of not floating in amniotic fluid. They watch this closely also.
Then last night we were getting ready for bed and I had another surprise waiting for me. The baby went to the bathroom and it to put it nicely, it wasn't #1...so all the nurses came in, the resident was called, and back on the monitor I went. After all that, nothing was done, just another rush of excitement for the staff and me wanting to just go to bed.

So, today is better. I had some extended time on the monitor but things are still going okay. Hopefully, we'll know in about 3 weeks about Will and his health status. I am just so eager after all this time to see what is going to happen. I'm still at peace with things and just continue to pray each day that he miraculously makes it through. Please continue your prayers also, we greatly appreciate them and all of the support. At times it can be very difficult to remain patient and trusting, we play the wondering game of "Are we going to take home a baby or not??" And I want to prepare, yet feel that until he comes, it isn't right to do anything until we know. I want to get excited, yet I'm guarded because if he doesn't make it, that will be so devastating.

The nurse and I were talking today and we did decide on something. One thing I do know is that I am going to celebrate getting out of this place. So we are going to have the biggest bash and the heading of the invitation is going to look something like this:

We're Celebrating! Please join us for a Housewarming/We finally made it to Michigan/Julie's out of the hospital/It's finally summer!/I can finally drink again:)/We just had a baby...Party. Uh, did we forget anything?

Slacker...

Its been a few days and I realize that I haven't posted a new update and people are emailing to check in and make sure I'm alright. I'm fine. Its just that the days go so slowly and so fast at the same time. I've also had a run of new nurses, most of which have been forgetting my medicine and other things, so yesterday I never got my diabetic pill before dinner and my sugar level spiked giving me a wicked headache...so I never got around to turning on my computer. I know...what a lame excuse!

This weekend went fast having Tim back home. Very grateful for that, and then yesterday I started to type and the day just got away from me. First, I had a very special visit from a former student and his mom, Deb and Grant (all the way from Orange County) who happened to be visiting family on the east side of the state and decided they wanted to come and visit me too! It was awesome to see them and catch up with one of my 5th grade students on how the rest of the year went after my move. Thanks so much again for making the trip over here and for the gorgeous O.C. flowers:) The nurses are totally jealous...

Then for the rest of the day I was consumed by my Paint by Numbers picture. Seriously...it was addicting and driving me crazy at the same time. But it did its job~it made the dull moments of my day go super fast. I was looking at the package and it states for 8+ years...yeah, right. This thing made me feel like an idiot, with all the small little spaces and the mixing of the paint I have to do. I felt like I could hardly do it, and I am way older than an 8 year old...(at least in body, attitude can be questionable!) I'm going to take pictures of my work in progress.

Other than that, nothing much new is going on. They are trying to move me into a bigger, corner room this weekend which will be nice. I don't care much about the space, but it will be a change of scenery and much more quiet. Both of which are great things. Will's still hanging out and Tim is working insane hours (yesterday he left at 6:30 and didn't get back to my room until 9). So at least I have my nurse friends to keep me company.

Just keep the days coming...I can't believe that next Friday is July 4th and that Saturday will be a full month in this stupid place. I just can't wait to go home and sleep in my own bed...Even then I will probably go through withdrawals because random people won't be walking into my room at all hours of the day. What lifelong lesson am I learning? Embrace change~ because that is the only constant in life...the one thing I can count on is that life will never be the same once I return back home.