Snow, snow...go away

If I were to sum up the last few weeks it would be this:

Snow.

Tons of snow.

As you can see from the pics, the drifts were clear up to the glass on the door. At least a foot and a half high.

Then today it reached 45 degrees and I did a little happy dance as I watched the huge mountains in front of our house slowly melt down to something a bit easier on the eyes.

I am so ready for spring.

While it was busy snowing outside, we have been busy inside. Except for the one day that G&G bought Jack his little red sled and somehow talked me into going for a walk around the neighborhood. Don't let the sun fool you~it was FREEZING.

But besides trying to stay warm, we have officially put our house up for sale. Where are we going? Not quite sure...but after the huge blizzard I'm daring to say someplace a bit warmer maybe. We'll see.

Jack has also been going to Gymboree class, which helps us beat the "stuck inside all the time" blues. He loves it. Because let's face it, here in Michigan you can only go to the mall or grocery store so many times before you feel like your going lose it.

Today had a small sense of spring about it. Just how excited did this make me?

I was giddy.

Seriously, giddy.

Combine that with the plane tickets I just bought to fly us out to L.A. in a few weeks and today was a spectacular day:)

Now I just need to get my ab rolls to look as cute as Jack's in a swimsuit:)

6 months

Happy 6 month Birthday!

A whole half year already...

And what a week leading up to it!

Jack, this week you celebrated your half year birthday with a bang:

First fever (102.3)

First cold

and to top it all off your first TWO teeth popped through this morning!

You have not been a happy camper,

but you have been one tough cookie.

Since Christmas you can now sit up for longer periods without any help

or without falling on your face. You also are eating a few solid foods and no longer gagging on them:) What is the most disgusting thing? You love prunes...I have no idea who you got this trait from!

Most importantly, you can now fit into all your 6-12 month clothes I happily have stashed away along the journey:) And good thing, because not only are you the best dressed in the family (according to Daddy), but it means that you always have a clean set of clothes since you seem to drool a LOT...and never mind all the spit-up, since you love to bend your little body in half as you reach and grab for everything in sight, including your toes.

We love to make you laugh and giggle. Your feet and tummy are ticklish. And you just love to be a busy body, I know in a few short moments you will be giving me a great work out chasing after you.

You bring so much joy to our lives. Every day is something new...

Speaking of new, mommy found these fun stickers to slap on just before its time to snap your monthly photos.

What a great idea! Find them on www.pickysticky.com

If only everything were this easy! Because apparently your toes were much more interesting than anything I was doing to get your attention for a cute 6 month picture:)

*Sigh*

And that is nothing new...

2.5

Two and half years ago yesterday, Will died.

After all this time, nothing really has changed on the inside.

I still miss him terribly and think about him numerous times a day. That probably surprises a lot of people. But it really shouldn't...I have found that with Jack being born, people are quick to forget who came before.

But as a mother, you never do...

There are times when I glance at Jack, see a similarity and it causes me to catch my breath. We look out the window together at the falling snow and I tell him about his brother. He has no idea what I am talking about right now, but as he grows up, he will know about Will.

Most days now are filled with such crazy busy "mom tasks" like feeding Jack, keeping him happy and constantly changing him from outfit to outfit as he drools or throws up. I don't have time to be sad...in fact finding time to clean or change out of sweat pants still can be a challenge! And don't even get me started on trying to keep up with everything I want to blog about...

But every now and then he will look at me with those eyes, or cuddle up to me in the middle of the night after a bottle and I can't stop the tears from streaming down my face. I hug him as if I am hugging them both.

Jack is such a blessing and as his little personality is beginning to show...

I'm loving him twice as hard.

New Year...New Family

Our little family had a great Christmas this year...

and if there was one phrase that Tim and I found ourselves constantly repeating to ourselves and to each other was,

"What a difference a year makes."

This was the year we had been waiting MANY years for...

Jack has brought back a love for life that I thought I might never see again. The past few holidays were so painful without Will and without any sort of real hope that we often thought of selling everything we owned and escaping to some far away land. Some of our family & friends understood our grief and were supportive, while others were so painfully clueless that it has led us to simply cut out any sort of gatherings because we just couldn't take it.

What a difference a year makes...

New Years 2008, we were beat up. Without our son, in a new state, and me without a job...I'll be honest, there wasn't anything happy about life at that moment. I wanted out. January 2009 was the lowest point in my life and yet when I think back (isn't that really what New Years is all about? Reflection?) I have no idea what kept me from giving up except for one thing, there was about a gram of hope left in my soul. All I did was pray for that spec of hope to grow and as it did with time I also found my faith being restored...it simply HAD to get better than this.

New Years 2009, I had a secret that I had just shared with family. Even though I was about 12 weeks along I was terrified. Terrified that this would end up just like the other 3...and when I started having more complications last January I threw my hands in the air and was at a complete loss. I didn't even know what to pray...Did I pray for a miscarriage right then so it wouldn't be like Will all over again? Was that how damaged I was that I had given up even thinking it might turn out the way I had only started to allow myself to dare to dream? Each day in 2010 leading up to Jack's birth was an achievement.

New Years 2010...I stared at my dream come true laying in his crib. I cursed my neighbors for setting of fireworks in front of our house at midnight and waking me from my precious sleep...and I stared at Jack once again as he slept right through. This year, I was physically drained but finally emotionally and spiritually thriving. I finally felt myself again. It had been a long journey to get here...

But what a difference a year makes.

And now as we make our way into 2011 I wonder what this year will bring. No matter what it does, my resolution is to be better at blogging about it!!

Happy New Year:)

5 Months

Jack,

This past month has been full of the most changes so far. How do you change so much and so fast?! I know I keep saying this, but seriously! We had your doctor's appointment last week and you measured 26 inches and 18 pounds~the 90% percentile. You are officially growing out of your 3-6 months clothes and are in size 6-12 now.

So just how much have you changed this past month? You LOVE to "talk" and jabber all the time, it is a sound that daddy and I absolutely love to hear. It is so stinking cute. You also have started to laugh and giggle when we tickle and kiss you~so much fun!

Sophie is one of your most favorite things to watch. We will sit on the bed in the morning and you will talk to her:) You still like to sit up with help and we are waiting for the day for you to roll over intentionally and to sit on your own. But the Dr. says not to worry, you haven't yet because your belly is too fat and gets in the way!

Your hair is finally growing in and is a fuzzy light brown, almost blond. And to everyone's surprise (except for mommy's) your eyes are still blue. I am hoping they stay blue like mine:) Besides watching Soph and chewing on your favorite toy, a rubber teething Giraffe also named Sophie, you love to stand on our laps with us holding you up. But your legs are so strong! You can hold your own weight and I'm afraid your legs are going to be bowed because you pull yourself up on our laps so much!

This past week was your first Christmas and I know in a few weeks you will be sitting on your own. We are past the real baby stage and you have become so much fun as we watch you laugh and learn about everything around you! Now if only I could keep you from scratching up your face all the time! Here is a picture of you in your new hat that Opa sent...complete with the latest scratches to your face.

But my most favorite new thing you do? Watching you try to stick your toes in your mouth, which surprisingly you have accomplished...despite that chunky belly of yours!

Jack's 1st Halloween

Loving to stand all the time!

Daddy time.

Passed out after a long night of helping hand out candy at Dorothy's house!

Cutest caterpillar ever!

Halloween weekend was a blast with Jack.

We hung out with friends Saturday and Sunday night to hand out candy.

And he also had his 3 month pictures taken in Holland...

someone is just like their dad~pitching a fit when a camera is aimed at them.

As soon as the torture session was over, it was all smiles for Grandma in the car on the way home.

He was such a sport about being dressed in an overstuffed costume and being paraded around all weekend...many asked about his costume and I actually got it years ago while we lived in California. I couldn't pass it up and remember thinking that it would be perfect for a Halloween in Michigan where it feels more like winter. And I was right, it was freezing!

But Jack was snug as a bug...literally.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

This past weekend we marked our 3rd Walk to Remember in Honor of Will.

I can hardly believe this is the 3rd one...

and the transformation that has taken place.

When I look back at that first year picture and its so sunny and beautiful,

it feels like yesterday.

I feel the same way about our last night with Will.

It was so beautiful and yet even though its been over 2 years, it still feels like yesterday...

But this year, we had Jack.

And while many may think that it was easier or possibly more bearable,

I have to say that having a new baby does not fill the hole left by the one that passed.

They are two different people,

and if anything I was left to wonder just how Will would react to his new brother.

But instead, we made another balloon just for Jack to send up to Will.

That first year I dreamed that one day I would be able to bring a new baby to the walk...

and that it would be better.

It would be easier.

Well, it wasn't either.

It still is what it is and that is all.

Our lives are woven of people and memories,

and all these things come together in a sort of fabric that make us who we are.

Even though Will was only here a short time,

his memory continues to be woven throughout who I am...and what kind of mother I want to be for Jack.

And as more things are woven together, Will is not left behind as a memory...

I still carry his heart in mine,

no matter where I go...