The Joys

So I had to share these...

Things are going great with Declan~

such an easygoing and happy baby.

Jack was my difficult one,

and still can be:)

As I was taking these photos of the Declan in his new outfit the other day, Jack was eating in his highchair just a few feet away in the kitchen. You see, I have to restrain the kid whenever I take photos of Declan since he's always trying to kiss him (very cute, I know) and gets in the way. Well, after a few shots, Jack starts in with the whining. Then the screaming. I have tried everything with this kid, he screams all the time and it drives me insane. So I try to ignore it completely...unless it gets out of control like in this situation. I turned around after a few minutes to see this scene and busted out laughing. Serves the kid right. Because in his world, getting a piece of lunch meat stuck on top of his head would be an emergency...

And never mind the yogurt covered pretzels the kid had managed to smear everywhere. Seriously? And all over the super cute brand new shirt he had been wearing for about 30 minutes...

I love having boys:)

World's Greatest Dog

The past few months have been trying for our family.

Not only was I pregnant with Declan, which we weren't planning on although it was a great surprise!...

our beloved dog, Sophie began to get sick in the spring.

While most people believe they have a great pet,

our dog was truly the kind of dog you only have once in a lifetime if you are lucky.

And yesterday, after months of searching for what was wrong with her,

we had to say goodbye.

Sophie has been a huge part of our family for 6 years and we can't believe she is gone.

She was our "fur child" in California and we can still remember the day we drove down to San Diego to pick her up. She was a sweetheart from the very first moment...and I am not exaggerating when I say she was an amazing pet.

For a lab, she was incredibly mild. And even more amazingly is that she didn't chew things, she never dug holes, she didn't bark and she never had an accident in the house...

I remember Tim and I taking her to obedience classes in San Clemente and the trainer pretty much ruling her out for 1st place because of her breed. Well, just tell Tim that something isn't possible and see what happens. The last night of class, there was a test to see what animals scored the most points. Tim bounded through the door and slammed a trophy on the counter while proudly exclaiming, "There are no f*#@ing losers in this family!" It was the 1st time in that class that a lab had placed first...

We loved Sophie like a child, and treated her like one of the family. We often had friends watch her because she was so sensitive that we hated to leave her at some strange kennel. This led to what we called the "Sophie-effect." Nearly everyone that watched her either wanted to adopt her or they decided to get their own dog shortly after.

Sophie was the kind of dog that made everyone want a pet...

And now we're left with amazing memories and that nagging feeling that her life was ended much too soon. She had a lot of life left and we'll always wonder what went wrong.

Yet again, we'll have to wait until heaven for answers.

I won't lie. Even though she is a dog, it brings back serious feelings with losing Will. She has seen us through so much and I feel like once again we failed a living creature that counted on us. I don't know what I would have done if she wasn't here after Will died. She was a constant friend and we already feel a huge void.

And worst of all...our boys won't grow up with the best dog ever.

Sophie is irreplaceable.
She helped us laugh when we felt like dying.
Entertained us in only ways a dog can.
And was always there when it seemed like no one else in the world was...
Sure, she could be a pain
but who isn't?!
And as we pet her and talked to her as her life left her body on a cold December day...
it pained me greatly.
Too many similarities.
And that awful helpless feeling like we had yet again failed somehow when something we loved so much was dying long before they were supposed to.
And again, after years of planning and training we thought we had trained our dog so our boys could grow up knowing that kind of joy.
The house is filled with chaos,
yet it still feels strangely empty...
a feeling I was hoping was gone for a long time...

free time...

Not that I ever had much free time after Jack,

but now even that little much I MIGHT have had during a random nap or after bedtime is a distant memory...

even now I am typing with one hand and holding a screaming Declan in the other.

Motherhood is glorious:)

This week, Tim headed back to work and I quickly realized that this was going to get overwhelming pretty quickly. Someone once said the hardest jump is going from no kids to your first one. I have found this to be utter crap. Not only am a recovering from my 3rd c-section (which is not going well and is an entirely different story) I am also outnumbered most of the time. Newborns are demanding enough with feedings and diaper changes, pair that with my strong-willed Jack and it can be a chaotic scene around here rather quickly.

Thank God for sweatpants and my nasty bathrobe with pockets. At one time, this robe came from the most luxurious resort Southern California had to offer: The Montage Resort and Spa in Laguna Beach....I can assure you that is is anything but nowadays! My robe that is...not the hotel, which in my most trying moments I can escape to for a moment in my mind when I need a quick sanity check.

Being a stay at home mom is easily the HARDEST job I have ever had to do. Harder than dealing with rich clients at that luxury resort, harder than guiding a classroom full of children, harder than saying goodbye to my husband for a deployment to Iraq...But seeing my two healthy children together is precious to me and makes even those hardest days worth it. And how could you not want to eat up those two precious faces in the photos. The brotherly love is so sweet to watch...And Jack is quickly coming around (most of the time).

Sure. I live in sweatpants lately. Whatever. I also live in the woods with no one around to see me...If I still lived in SoCal I know I would feel a bit more ashamed. So to keep a higher standard for myself, today I didn't just put on any sweatpants. I pulled out my new Juicy Couture ones, still with tags and prided myself that only a month ago I couldn't even pull them over my huge thighs. They now fit. Here's to getting a little piece of the old Julie back:)

Introducing Declan Thomas

Getting ready to go home!

I can't believe our baby is over a week old already!

Declan Thomas was born according to plan on 11.11.11 at 11:58 am.

He has been an amazingly easy baby...

its Jack that has been keeping us on our toes this last week.

I am not surprised!

Declan sleeps all the time.

He hardly cries.

This is truly an easy baby so far.

And thank goodness because Jack is giving us a run for our money.

The kid is SLOWLY adjusting to having someone else around.

For right now, I'm doing good just putting up some pictures!

So thankful that he is here safe and sound!

The final countdown

Can it really be happening this week?!

I am in shock that we'll be driving to the hospital in just 3 days to meet our newest addition. In the meantime, I know that I have been meaning to get this blog updated...

and here is the truth,

I have typed out 3 blogs and then my computer won't let me post them.

I about had a nervous breakdown, so after taking a week break from attempting to post anything, this one is going to be short and sweet but with some photos.

The nursery is done.

It was super easy and fun and Tim and I really enjoyed doing a little bit each night.

And then there was Halloween,

which was also so much fun this year with Jack.

He was a goldfish and tolerated being paraded around like a champ. But of course, the photos of that won't download tonight...so there are after and before's of the nursery since I couldn't seem to get those in the right order either. These days, I pick my battles. Something is better than nothing, right?

So these last few days I have been spending a lot of time just being with Jack and enjoying our last few moments of 1 on 1 time. Reading and playing cars and doing puzzles...

because come Friday, our world is about to get rocked.

In a crazy good way:)

About that time...

This is the time in my pregnancy when I am about done...

except that I know my life is about to change into pure chaos,

so while I am ready to no longer be pregnant (the aches, pain and diabetes)

I am not yet ready to give up my 6+ hours of uninterrupted sleep at night.

Jack is crazy.

The kid is into everything. Walking. Opening doors. Stealing my phone...making huge messes. Normally this would not bother me.

But when we were at Walgreens the other day and he dropped 2 bags of cough drops on the floor on purpose I nearly burst into tears.

I can't bend over.

I can't pick things up off the floor.

I wanted to completely lose my mind...

and that is how I know I am ready to not be huge any more:)

But I am not yet ready for baby #3.

For the first time, I will have two children here with me.

I'm already a mother of 2 boys (soon to be 3) but I've never been able to hold more than one at a time...and they were years apart.

How is this going to work?

I'm excited yet scared and anxious. Even with having #3 here, I know our family won't feel complete. Jack will be a big brother. But he's never known being the little brother either.

Heavy stuff.

I've got a lot on my mind lately,

all while trying to keep up with Jack and get the new baby room ready.

We're also moving Jack's room to be by the new baby,

since moving out of this house won't be happening.

So I have 2 rooms to complete in just a matter of weeks.

It can be done.

Those are the easy things...

how do you explain about being a big brother to a 14 month old?

How do you prepare from going to having a single living child to two? All while focusing not on what could have or should have been and focusing instead of the living boys God has blessed us with?

The only constant in life is change.

But honestly, the only thing I wish I could change at the moment is to trade in my tired, exhausted body for someone with super-human strength...

'cause I could really use that right now:)

We are so excited for this new baby and to grow our family.

And as the leaves are starting to change

and the weather grows cooler,

I know its only a matter of weeks until we can finally meet him.

catch up

When I think about how far behind I've gotten in blogging,

it really blows my mind.

I used to write nearly every day when I began this as a hospital update over 3 years ago. And then after Will died, it was really my only outlet to deal with the incredible loss.

I cherish those entries...and looking back its crazy to see how far we have come in the last 3 years. Literally, I was on the brink of no hope. So devastated after losing Will just 3 months after I quit my job as a teacher in Southern California to start a new beginning in Michigan.

And then it was just wiped away.

I felt like I had lost everything,

and in a way...I really did.

But slowly, as days passed into weeks, which passed into months...I now sit here 3 years later with a 13 month old son and another healthy baby on the way who will be here in November.

And I feel so blessed.

Not just for my children,

but for everything along the journey.

I don't have time to blog like I used to.

But it is because of my little blessings that keep me busier than I have ever been in my life.

Sure, I miss writing like I used to.

But some day soon, the clinging little arms and whining will be all grown up...

and it will have gone so fast.

I would rather have this, then an empty (and clean!) house and hours to write because I have no one that needs me for hugs and naps and stories.

But in the meantime, I really do have to do at least one entry a week. Because I want to remember all of this too.

Life has finally found a new sense of normal.

It has taken a long time,

but there is always hope for better things to come if you have enough faith.

Even if at the time it seems only as big as a seed,

that is all it takes...